balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777 
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Post by balzaccom on Mar 29, 2023 15:54:58 GMT -8
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll always be stationary.
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driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 14,506
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Post by driftwoody on Apr 24, 2023 9:14:58 GMT -8
If a man tells his wife he will fix something around the house, he will fix it!
There is no need to keep reminding him every six months.
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on Apr 24, 2023 21:05:57 GMT -8
Three pets arrive at the pearly gates to find God seated in judgement. God looks at them carefully and asks them to explain what they believe.
1st dog: I believe in loving my family unconditionally.
God: Bless you. Please enter heaven.
2nd dog: I believe in protecting my family with all my heart.
God: Bless you. Please enter heaven
Cat: I believe you are sitting in my chair...
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Post by hikerjer on Apr 24, 2023 23:16:12 GMT -8
In a like vein. What’s the difference between a dog’s perception of the world and that of a cat? If you have dog and care for him, nurture him and provide for his every need the dog looks at you and thinks, “Wow, this guy must be a god”. However, if you have a cat and care for him, nurture him and provide for his every need, the cat looks at you and thinks, “Wow, I must be a god.”
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 2, 2023 7:56:48 GMT -8
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—. I took the one less traveled by. Now I have no idea where I am.
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driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 14,506
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Post by driftwoody on May 2, 2023 9:22:14 GMT -8
God, wiping sweat from his brow:
"Whew! I just finished creating a 24 hour period of alternating sunlight and darkness.
Angel:
"What are you going to do now?
God:
"Call it a day."
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 3, 2023 20:57:09 GMT -8
How come every time I order a dozen bees I get thirteen?
The last one is a freebie.
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 19, 2023 17:45:55 GMT -8
Do you know what the leading cause of dry skin it?
Towels.
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 22, 2023 19:44:15 GMT -8
My best friend is schizophrenic.
He's good people.
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 22, 2023 19:44:57 GMT -8
Tip for working from home: blowing on the wine in your mug will convince Zoom meeting that your tea is hot.
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 22, 2023 19:49:02 GMT -8
So what if I can't spell Armageddon? It's not the end of the world...
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 27, 2023 19:49:04 GMT -8
Chiron was half horse, half human doctor.
That means he was the first Centaur for disease control
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Travis
Trail Wise!
WYOMING NATIVE
Posts: 2,219
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Post by Travis on May 27, 2023 19:53:20 GMT -8
^^Seriously bad.^^  |
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on May 28, 2023 15:16:44 GMT -8
I've lost my mood ring!
I'm not sure how I feel about that...
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balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 3,777
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Post by balzaccom on Jun 3, 2023 13:45:27 GMT -8
A woman sued the airline because they couldn't find her luggage.
She lost her case.
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Image Credit / Coolkat
