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Post by hikerjer on Jan 7, 2016 20:45:22 GMT -8
So here's the story. Yesterday I went on a cross-country solo (well, my dog was with me) ski trip. Before leaving I left a detailed itinerary and told my wife if she didn't hear from my by 7:30 p.m. I was probably in trouble and to notify the sheriff's office. Well, it turned out to be great ski but a little longer than I anticipated. I ended up skiing out in the dark with my headlamp for the last hour and a half. I didn't reach cell phone service until just before 7:30 p.m. When I called my wife and told her everything was fine and I was heading home after a well deserved beer, she was not amused. In fact, she was extremely upset that I'd do such an "idiotic" thing as ski an isolated trail - granted, it was isolated - all by myself when I could easily fall and hurt myself and not be able to get out. I did fall several times on a couple of tricky sections but didn't hurt myself. Mind you, I feel that I was prepared to spend the night if I had to. I always carry enough survival gear for an uno. Temps for the night were not that bad. Forecast for the low 20s F. Still, she was upset and among other things, I was referred to as an idiot. Was I? My daughter also got into the act with similar sentiments. My wife is generally pretty tolerant of my outdoor escapades but this time she was upset. I await your valued and nonjudgemental opinions.
Thanks.
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mk
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North Texas
Posts: 1,217 
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Post by mk on Jan 7, 2016 21:03:23 GMT -8
I'm a wife ... and it sounds to me like you planned carefully and were prepared. You left a detailed itinerary and a timeline. And you called before the deadline. So, no, in my opinion, you aren't an idiot. She was probably just worried because you were so late and she had some time to imagine the worst-case scenarios. I figure that as long as I have an idea of where to start searching should my husband not check in, I'm in the "no news is good news" camp.
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davesenesac
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Our precious life is short within eternity, don't waste it!
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Post by davesenesac on Jan 7, 2016 21:04:12 GMT -8
You are all she has. She loves you so her thoughts of your possibly being in trouble are painful. She worried when you didn't call until the maximum time expected approached. Tell her you understand, agree you were stupid to inform her rigidly the way you had, and are sorry. That you should have explained possible delays and that even if you were out all night from an injury, in a remote area, you were prepared to easily survive. That in the future will explain your adventures with more understanding. And probably try not do so too late in the day when darkness falls.
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johnnyray
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Post by johnnyray on Jan 7, 2016 21:06:32 GMT -8
Not going to wade into your family business but it seems that your knee is doing nicely.
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Post by hikerjer on Jan 7, 2016 21:09:54 GMT -8
Not going to wade into tour family business but it seems that your knee is doing nicely. You appear to be a wise man johnnyray.  Ya, the knee is doing great. Quite amazing, actually. |
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mk
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North Texas
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Post by mk on Jan 7, 2016 21:13:16 GMT -8
Not going to wade into tour family business Aw, c'mon -- he asked us to interfere! |
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Post by hikerjer on Jan 7, 2016 21:20:11 GMT -8
Aw, c'mon -- he asked us to interfere! Ya, I need someone on myside, here. |
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johnnyray
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Post by johnnyray on Jan 7, 2016 21:24:14 GMT -8
Ya, I need someone on myside, here. OK, you're definitely not an idiot. |
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tigger
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Post by tigger on Jan 7, 2016 21:25:05 GMT -8
She's not actually calling you an idiot. She was extremely worried about you. That's what she said when she called you an idiot (as a fellow husband, I know the term well). We all have our tolerances. Next time, tell her to expect you the next day and she'll set her panic level for that day/time and you'll end up coming out early. You'll get rewarded for coming home sooner than she expected.
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mk
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North Texas
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Post by mk on Jan 7, 2016 21:31:36 GMT -8
Next time, tell her to expect you the next day and she'll set her panic level for that day/time and you'll end up coming out early. You'll get rewarded for coming home sooner than she expected. And you wonder why women go off the rails ... lol |
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Jan 7, 2016 21:33:43 GMT -8
She's not actually calling you an idiot. She was extremely worried about you. That's what she said when she called you an idiot (as a fellow husband, I know the term well). We all have our tolerances. Tigger is right. I've done this myself. An excess of imagination can sometimes be a bad thing, and lead us to overreact. What I don't get is that you told her where you were, so she knew before you started what you were doing (though obviously neither of you knew that it would be harder than you thought). So it's not like she didn't know before you started that you were going skiing alone (except for the dog). The fact that you weren't an idiot in the morning for starting out tells me that she got scared after dark, and you aren't an idiot at all. Tell her you're sorry you scared her, and that you'll try not to do it again. (Note I don't say you won't do it again, just that you'll try not to.) She does need to have her feelings acknowledged. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 21:48:43 GMT -8
No you are not an idiot. You're just absent-minded. You forgot what happened to Cinderella when the clock struck midnight, 7:30 your time evidently.
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RumiDude
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Post by RumiDude on Jan 7, 2016 22:22:11 GMT -8
Is this a trick question?
Rumi <~~~~~~~easily tricked
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Post by High Sierra Fan on Jan 7, 2016 22:40:07 GMT -8
Well, yes. Thing is you decided to set an "I'm In Trouble: call the Authorities" line firmly drawn in the sand deadline. And then "just before" beat the time. Having not put in enough padding to easily make it back before "IN TROUBLE" time is an idiot move ( with all due kindness). YOU set the terms of that deadline as not delayed but "in trouble: call emergency services out for an emergency search and rescue". That's a very serious marker. And from what you say of their reaction they took it seriously. And it sounds like you didn't as they heard it. How close did you get btw?
So from about 7:15 or earlier to however close to that 7:30 alarm deadline she sat and watched the minute hand creep towards when her husband was going to be in so much trouble she had to call the authorities. Hence her annoyance expressed as she did.
My thought is there has to be padding in those send up the flares deadlines, ample padding so when the time approaches you've long ago signaled your return OR you're in huge trouble and need rescue and aid. Squeezing in with 40 seconds (or five minutes) "to spare" (for ex.) just doesn't cut it.
For myself I leave DAYS at the end of a trip before I tell people to hit the SAR button because "I'm in trouble". And Nordic skiing I've probably skied out under headlight illumination "late" for one reason or another more often than not. It's just so NICE out there..,, or I've screwed up the {#^+^# wax!
ETA: "thoughtless" might have been more accurate, you hadn't fully thought through the consequences of setting a too optimistic emergency, call the authorities, deadline and then coming too close to missing it. But when stressed from fright people often have their more nuanced vocabulary impeded. Or they're angry enough in relief to want the words to sting "nuance" be damned. .
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Post by High Sierra Fan on Jan 8, 2016 0:16:05 GMT -8
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Ya, the knee is doing great. Quite amazing, actually.
