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Post by Lamebeaver on Jan 8, 2016 4:24:53 GMT -8
If your wife says you're an idiot then you are. If you continue to argue, then you're an even bigger idiot. You can't win this one.
That being said, IMHO you took all of the correct safety precautions and were properly prepared.
Guys are occasionally idiots, at least in the minds of the women who care about us. Be proud (on the inside, any external sign of satisfaction would not be wise)! You get a double-stamp on your man card. This evening, pour yourself a couple fingers of scotch and bask in the glory of your manliness!
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walkswithblackflies
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Post by walkswithblackflies on Jan 8, 2016 4:30:37 GMT -8
I can speak from both experience and a position of respectability, being known in the Adk region not only as "Walks With Blackflies" but also as of one of the "Two Idiots", that HSF hit the nail on the head.
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Post by cweston on Jan 8, 2016 4:48:29 GMT -8
A couple thoughts...
1. You should have left a lot more "padding" on the time you set. I usually tell my wife not to do anything unless it's been at least 12 hours from the time she should have heard from me.
2. She should have expressed her concerns before you left (since it seems clear that a conversation took place at that time), not after the fact.
3. You should probably take this opportunity to be the hero by purchasing a PLB, Spot, In-reach, etc.
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foxalo
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Life is infinitely stranger than anything the mind could invent.---Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Post by foxalo on Jan 8, 2016 4:57:25 GMT -8
That's one of those words that we don't like being called along with stupid, dumb, etc. It's one thing to call ourselves that, but another for someone else to. I was recently called one for a very different reason, and it didn't go over very well. That being said, I think her being worried about you was what did it. It did sound like you took all the precautions. I wouldn't take it too personally.
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FamilySherpa
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Post by FamilySherpa on Jan 8, 2016 5:48:21 GMT -8
Jer, I'm the master of being an "idiot spouse". Rest assured, you're far from my level.
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tigger
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Post by tigger on Jan 8, 2016 7:45:35 GMT -8
I should use this occasion to tell about the time I went to the house and met my mother there who wanted to borrow something. It was the middle of the day on a work day. I knew my wife was home sick so I came in quietly and was talking with my mother in the garage as we looked through trying to find the backpacking equipment. My wife, not knowing I was home...called the police and had them come, thinking I was a burglar. They looked up the license plate of my mother's car (that was parked out front) and told them who it belonged to but it still hadn't clicked, being sick and all. When my wife finally opened the garage door (while my mother and I were casually talking), she cursed me out to no end and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.
I had apparently reached "idiot" status. My intentions were good, I swear. However, I have taken the idiot badge and wear it proudly.
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trinity
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Post by trinity on Jan 8, 2016 8:06:14 GMT -8
She does need to have her feelings acknowledged. Ding ding ding ding! No, you're not an idiot, you took every proper precaution. Yes, you probably need to have a talk about this if you are going to maximize your continued enjoyment of the great outdoors without adversely affecting your relationship with your wife. I strongly concur with the PLB/SPOT/InReach recommendations. I originally purchased a SPOT not for my safety, but for my wife's peace of mind. She and I both solo backpack, so it has been beneficial to us both in this regard, I have been known to worry about her as well. I have since switched to an InReach which, though heavier and more expensive, is otherwise superior to the SPOT in every way. I think you would find this to be a very worthwhile investment.
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trinity
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Post by trinity on Jan 8, 2016 8:08:48 GMT -8
If your wife says you're an idiot then you are. If you continue to argue, then you're an even bigger idiot. Beautiful. I think I'm going to start using this in marriage counseling.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Jan 8, 2016 8:53:31 GMT -8
Well, yes. Thing is you decided to set an "I'm In Trouble: call the Authorities" line firmly drawn in the sand deadline. And then "just before" beat the time. Having not put in enough padding to easily make it back before "IN TROUBLE" time is an idiot move ( with all due kindness). YOU set the terms of that deadline as not delayed but "in trouble: call emergency services out for an emergency search and rescue". That's a very serious marker. And from what you say of their reaction they took it seriously. And it sounds like you didn't as they heard it. How close did you get btw? So from about 7:15 or earlier to however close to that 7:30 alarm deadline she sat and watched the minute hand creep towards when her husband was going to be in so much trouble she had to call the authorities. Hence her annoyance expressed as she did. On reflection, I think HSF has hit the button on why she reacted so strongly. "I should be home by 7:30" is very different from "Call out the SAR at 7:30." My guess is that you were largely joking as you said that, probably assuming you'd be home long before then. But you didn't get out, and suddenly that looked serious. When she has cooled down (and you have grovelled appropriately in apology for scaring the snot out of her), maybe you can talk about that--I suggest that you let her know, VERY politely and humbly, a) that you go prepared to spend the night if necessary, so are not in any significant danger even if you don't come home, and b) that, in your opinion, 24 hours or more is a more realistic "call out the troops" deadline, and you should never have suggested anything else.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Jan 8, 2016 9:03:40 GMT -8
Just for the record, I keep mentioning apologies for scaring her, and the need to acknowledge her feelings, because there's nothing as irritating, and emotionally damaging, as having someone tell you that your incredible worry for them was just a stupid waste of time and energy. I can assure you that such a dismissal is very apt to escalate things, and not in a good way. After all, what she is saying, underneath it all, is "I love you and I can't imagine what I'd do if anything happened to you." If your response is, "that's so silly and unnecessary," well, you can see the problem...
Great. Now I'm offering marriage counseling (with no credentials at all except being married for 21 years) in an on-line forum about backpacking. Please take with the appropriate reservations as to value.
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Post by hikerjer on Jan 8, 2016 9:27:49 GMT -8
I have taken the idiot badge and wear it proudly. What else can a guy do?
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amaruq
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Post by amaruq on Jan 8, 2016 10:28:20 GMT -8
Great. Now I'm offering marriage counseling (with no credentials at all except being married for 21 years) in an on-line forum about backpacking. Please take with the appropriate reservations as to value. That's about 19 years more than today's newlyweds tend to last, so I'd say you're an expert.
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whistlepunk
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Post by whistlepunk on Jan 8, 2016 10:52:11 GMT -8
Guys-- something to remember anytime you are having a conversation with a wife/girlfriend (or any woman):
"This conversation may be recorded for training and quality control purposes."
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jay
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Post by jay on Jan 8, 2016 14:32:35 GMT -8
I would recommend the following response to your wife's comment to avoid trouble down the road...."yes dear."
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reuben
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Post by reuben on Jan 8, 2016 14:44:07 GMT -8
Welcome to the club. Over here is the quiet corner, where those who have been chastised for reasons they don't understand buy each other beers. Here, you can have my chair.
I'm wondering how she'll react when you finally set off on that cross country trip, which will take several months.
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