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Post by hikerjer on Apr 29, 2017 17:43:27 GMT -8
Ya, the dog is great. My best hiking companion actually. Never complains.
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toejam
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Post by toejam on Apr 29, 2017 22:12:03 GMT -8
This is a fun old thread. Thanks for resurrecting it sparkle. Last weekend I was on a short solo trip but had big plans for the last day. I never get cell service in the mountains here. Knowing I could be running late and not wanting to get the wrath Jer got, I told my wife I'd send her an OK message from the SPOT if I was behind schedule but otherwise OK. I put off buying the SPOT for a long time but it makes my wife feel a lot better. Husbands are different than wives in that biology as well as upbringing makes them want to be protecters and in charge. That can probably be used to your advantage if you think about it. But I agree with those who said it's gonna take some time to prove you can be trusted.
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Post by sparkle on Apr 30, 2017 5:20:06 GMT -8
This is a fun old thread. Thanks for resurrecting it sparkle. Last weekend I was on a short solo trip but had big plans for the last day. I never get cell service in the mountains here. Knowing I could be running late and not wanting to get the wrath Jer got, I told my wife I'd send her an OK message from the SPOT if I was behind schedule but otherwise OK. I put off buying the SPOT for a long time but it makes my wife feel a lot better. Husbands are different than wives in that biology as well as upbringing makes them want to be protecters and in charge. That can probably be used to your advantage if you think about it. But I agree with those who said it's gonna take some time to prove you can be trusted. You know, is not me they don't trust. Its life. Its other people. So I get a bit riled up at having to earn the trust of a suburban man when I was raised in the swamp. Lol. Guess he'll just have to be mad! For God's sakes I traveled through Europe 3 weeks alone and that's far more dangerous.
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desert dweller
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Post by desert dweller on Apr 30, 2017 6:39:10 GMT -8
You know, is not me they don't trust. Its life. Its other people. So I get a bit riled up at having to earn the trust of a suburban man when I was raised in the swamp. Lol. Guess he'll just have to be mad! For God's sakes I traveled through Europe 3 weeks alone and that's far more dangerous. Good attitude! When I tell people who don't hike that I'm doing a 60 mile 6 day hike alone in the back country of Arizona the first thing they'll ask me is, Will you bring a gun? I'll say, No, don't need one. But what about bears and mountain lions and snakes and, most of all, other people? they'll ask. I'll them that paying attention and using your wits will keep you alive more than any gun. Then I try to add some perspective. Like, in 35 years of backpacking I've only seen one bear and it was running away. I've only seen one big cat and it was running away from me. When I seen a snake, I take a picture and walk around it. The further you get from trailheads and established campsites (car camping sites and sites near trailheads) the less wild animals will have associated people with food and lost their natural fear of humans. Plus, the folks you meet backpacking far from civilization will be of like mind and are there enjoying nature and spending time on the trail. You can live your life in fear and never leave your comfort zone. Or, you can get out and remind yourself of your capabilities. Good luck, either way. Don't hesitate to ask any question you may have. Someone here will jump in and offer some ideas.
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Post by sparkle on Apr 30, 2017 7:30:02 GMT -8
Thanks, Desert Dweller, I love the outdoors. The New Mexican desert is just beautiful, and it's literally in my back yard. I'd hate to miss out on the commune.
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reuben
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Post by reuben on Apr 30, 2017 8:04:01 GMT -8
I wouldn't pay too much attention unless she calls you a *friggin'* idiot. Other than that, just remember that the dog loves you, and wants to go on more trips with you.
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Post by autumnmist on Apr 30, 2017 8:29:26 GMT -8
Most people want to put THEIR fears on you. Don't let their weaknesses be yours Interesting observation; I've never thought of that perspective but it really has merit. There's so much of a difference between what people of both sexes are willing to try and how they handle new adventures, but I do think there are people who are afraid to reach out beyond their comfort zone, and are a bit threatened if not embarrassed by those who do embrace challenges. It might be too much of a challenge to explore pushing beyond their limits, gradually. So it's easier to set the bar at comfortable limitations. Like others, I have my own experiences with this, both on my own behalf and that of a man. Back in the early 1990s, I suffered a broken jaw and 6 teeth knocked loose when I lost focus while cutting down a tree. When female friends shuddered and opined that that should be the last time I cut down a tree, my response was that it wouldn't be. Next time I'd just be much more careful. I had occasion to force myself to use that same rationale when my father suffered an amputation accident with his radial arm saw. Friends and acquaintances direly advised that he should never use a radial arm saw again... ever. That was my first reaction, but when we discussed how it happened and why, we agreed that he could still use the saw but with more caution, including adding a guard which the saw didn't have at the time of the accident. Husbands are different than wives in that biology as well as upbringing makes them want to be protecters and in charge. I think you're right. Back in the early 2000s I did a lot of research on nurturing, caring, and how/why some people can become so literally entrapped by the need to care for others that the need becomes pathological. One of the nurses at a rehab facility raised the issue. Iintrigued, I began researching. I was actually surprised when I found this topic had been researched, and there was a specific designation for the nurturing hormone: oxytocin. I've thought of that issue repeatedly when reading about people in dysfunctional family relationships, attempting to care for older parents and literally compromising their health while doing so. This is a challenging situation, and I don't make light of it. But what I did see was an apparent inability to set boundaries on the caring activities. Some of the caregivers literally sacrificed themselves for their ill family members. www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795.php, for a basic description focused more on oxytocin and mothering. This article doesn't address the hormone's effect in as much detail as the articles I found back in 2004. Those were more illuminating b/c they addressed the results of an imbalance of the hormone, and how it could contribute to "overcaring." At least one of those old articles examined oxytocin and specific professions, such as the medical profession, including what would probably be considered the more emotionally unsettling specialities in oncology. The gist of the articles was that oxytocin might be a factor in the choice of medical specialties, and sometimes could lead to a psychopathological condition. This article addresses oxytocin in a broader perspective, including social stress. www.apa.org/monitor/feb08/oxytocin.aspxI still haven't found a link to short term stress and anxiety, but I couldn't help thinking of oxytocin in hikerjer 's situation, as well as in the situations of people caring for older parents and/or other health compromised family members. It's not unusual for me to lose my temper when my father is doing something dangerous. And sometimes I've been too upset to remain rational (assuming I ever was!) and just have to leave because I can't deal with his risky behavior. But sometimes my mouth gets the better of me and I angrily say things I don't mean. I think hikerjer 's wife might have experienced something similar.
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Post by hikerjer on Apr 30, 2017 9:29:59 GMT -8
the dog loves you, and wants to go on more trips with you. That's the nice thing about dogs.
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toejam
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Post by toejam on Apr 30, 2017 19:26:48 GMT -8
the nurturing hormone: oxytocin Overcaring is one thing, but I was thinking of testosterone, which changes a male's brain chemistry en utero and feeds the drive to control his environment and crush his adversaries. You're much more well-read than I am. Whatever it is, people tend to be more emotional than rational.
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Post by autumnmist on May 1, 2017 7:06:53 GMT -8
toejam , you make good points as well as raise an interesting issue. I think some women may have an imbalance of testosterone - I'm thinking of Leona Helmsley, who was literally ruthless in running her business. Martha Stewart comes to mind also, although her drive is manifested in a softer, more homestyle way. I appreciate the compliment, but I'm nowhere near as well read as most of the people here. I just needed to find out more on that subject at that time, to help resolve some lingering lifestyle issues. (I think I need to do some more research; I seem to have been plagued by a Laziness hormone since I retired.)
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Post by sparkle on May 1, 2017 10:58:12 GMT -8
My husband suffers from ptsd and is anxious everywhere. I'd hoped he'd learn to enjoy the solitude outdoors, but is gonna take more coaxing.
On ruthlessness, not sure about that one. I think nurture might have more to do than nature in some cases. I think brave and courageous is just more of a rarity these days among the general population of women. Too much drama and not enough reality. Females in the animal kingdom tend to be more ruthless, imo.
Working in a heavily dominated male career field has shown me that ruthless first, gentleness second secures a nice balance!
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walkswithblackflies
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Post by walkswithblackflies on May 1, 2017 11:07:05 GMT -8
Ahhh... a resurrected thread. When I saw the title my response was going to be "Again?!?!"
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Post by autumnmist on May 1, 2017 13:12:42 GMT -8
sparkle, do you have a dog? I've seen a few programs on TV (possibly PBS) on how dogs have the ability to reach those with PTSD, sometimes more than other humans can. I watched part of another interesting PBS program on acclimating shelter dogs to provide support to rangers (?) in Africa, monitoring and protecting wildlife against poachers. Maybe working with a shelter dog might help your husband? Different situations, but I've seen older people who have withdrawn into themselves come alive when pet therapy is introduced. Being brave and courageous can lead to a lengthy discussion, first on what constitutes those qualities, who has them, how they positively or negatively affect a person....lots of room for discussion. I think I read in another of your posts that you're a vet? What branch of service were you in?
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on May 1, 2017 15:26:42 GMT -8
When female friends shuddered and opined that that should be the last time I cut down a tree, my response was that it wouldn't be. Next time I'd just be much more careful. And that, IMHO, is the healthy response. I saw much of this reaction, including in myself, when my husband crashed his bike last fall and ended up in the hospital. One of his (male) friends--or maybe more than one--thought that should be the sign he should stop biking. More thought he should stop biking at night (which would make it hard for him to train much through the winter). I tend to feel a bit that way, myself--I am keenly aware of the added dangers of riding at night. In the end, I think it's become a matter of just being more careful. He's using more caution on descents, and is learning to be more attentive. We went through a similar thought process 15 years ago when our oldest son got lost in Anza Borrego Desert State Park. He was found after an excruciating 6 1/2 hours (and a huge SAR operation), and my instinct was to hold the boys tight and never let them out of my sight. I knew that was wrong, though, and managed to find the right balance (there should have been more supervision the day he got lost, but you still have to let them do stuff!).
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Post by sparkle on May 2, 2017 13:50:47 GMT -8
autumnmistI was AirForce. I still instruct active duty. We just got a french bulldog for my husband. He's working out great. They're like best buds. Mine watches him, as well. She's a pit/shar pei cross. No one ever just walks up to me with her around. She just has that look. She's really very well behaved. He does well with both dogs around. I think that brave or courageous is being willing to do something without the guarantee of safety. Something outside your comfort zone. Hell even if something is safe and its outside of your comfort zone, it can take courage. It's brave to live outside the little box others draw for you. I'm getting used to having another person in my life whose opinion actually matters to me. That is, I want to go out and do new things and live in the bigger world, but I hate to cause him discomfort or worry. That's why its frustrating to be cooped up just because he's uncomfortable with me going out overnight on my own.
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