driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,033
|
Post by driftwoody on Feb 7, 2021 11:54:22 GMT -8
|
|
franco
Trail Wise!
Posts: 2,297
|
Post by franco on Feb 7, 2021 16:02:27 GMT -8
I am worried about my neighbour. Every morning at 10 on the dot , she goes out into her garden, sits amongst the cabbages and peas. Eats shoots and leaves ... OK for a panda bear but not a human in a restaurant. Aussie version : BTW, wombats produce a cube shaped scat and make an amazing rutting noise. I discovered that many years ago when one particularly large and amorous male was doing it just outside my tent.
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,033
|
Post by driftwoody on Feb 23, 2021 17:20:20 GMT -8
Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.
I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing.
|
|
balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 4,551
|
Post by balzaccom on Feb 23, 2021 20:21:15 GMT -8
My favorite: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
|
|
geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
|
Post by geosp on Feb 23, 2021 21:49:42 GMT -8
My ex wife used to say I only had two faults, I don't listen and something else. She finally left me because of my obsession with newsreaders... And now the weather..
|
|
|
Post by starwalker on Feb 26, 2021 0:22:20 GMT -8
It has been scientifically proven that horse manure protects you. Take the fresh horse manure and rub your hands with it. It has the following actions: 1. It prevents you from touching your nose, eyes, mouth. 2. People will keep at least 6 feet away from you 3. No one will want to shake your hand 4. You will safely wash your hands well before going to lunch.
|
|
|
Post by starwalker on Mar 19, 2021 15:46:09 GMT -8
Are we running out of material?
A friend posted this on Facebook:
I was grilling at the beach one day when this little girl grabbed a small shorebird and wouldn’t let it go. I grabbed a sausage off the grill to offer a trade. I took a tern for the wurst.
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,033
|
Post by driftwoody on Mar 19, 2021 18:01:35 GMT -8
A bear hunter was driving along a twisty forest service road to the trailhead, and saw a sign stating BEAR LEFT. Disappointed, he turned around and went home.
|
|
zeke
Trail Wise!
Peekaboo slot 2023
Posts: 9,895
|
Post by zeke on Mar 20, 2021 15:26:55 GMT -8
What do you call 2 pigs in a tug of war? Pulled pork.
You might be an American in the rest of your house, but what are you in the bathroom? European
|
|
desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
|
Post by desert dweller on Mar 20, 2021 20:00:42 GMT -8
but what are you in the bathroom? European Sometimes it's Himalayan
|
|
desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
|
Post by desert dweller on Mar 25, 2021 14:00:17 GMT -8
There was a kidnapping at my neighbor's place this morning. But, he woke up in thirty minutes.
|
|
geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
|
Post by geosp on Mar 26, 2021 23:41:32 GMT -8
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar and begin discussing blood types. I'm type A says the priest. I'm type B says the minister. I think I'm a typo says the rabbit...
|
|
desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
|
Bad Jokes
Apr 1, 2021 16:42:50 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by desert dweller on Apr 1, 2021 16:42:50 GMT -8
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,033
|
Post by driftwoody on Apr 1, 2021 17:02:26 GMT -8
Q: What does the crew of the starship Enterprise have in common with a handful of toilet paper?
A: They both have the ability to circle Uranus and wipe out klingons.
|
|
|
Post by hikingtiger on Apr 5, 2021 13:33:59 GMT -8
Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response. I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday. Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does. I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely. I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing. Is it wrong that I heard all these in Steven Wright's voice?
|
|