bcpete
Trail Wise!
There's cool, and then there's me.
Posts: 489
|
Post by bcpete on Apr 17, 2020 17:59:15 GMT -8
We should see a decline in home invasions ... everyone is home with guns, and enough bleach and paper towels to clean up the scene.
|
|
franco
Trail Wise!
Posts: 2,297
|
Post by franco on Apr 18, 2020 0:22:55 GMT -8
I had a slice of toast at the zoo the other day. It was bread in captivity. This thread is supposed to be about bad jokes; not really bad groan out loud I wish I hadn't read it jokes. That is the best joke so far. You are a winner !!! Well done !!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
whistlepunk
Trail Wise!
I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
Posts: 1,446
|
Post by whistlepunk on Apr 26, 2020 8:28:14 GMT -8
|
|
desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
|
Post by desert dweller on May 14, 2020 9:28:49 GMT -8
My friend was arrested while carving equations into a piece of quartz. He was charged with manufacturing crystal math.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2020 11:05:02 GMT -8
The Energizer Bunny was also arrested.
The bunny was charged with battery.
|
|
geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
|
Post by geosp on May 14, 2020 14:14:53 GMT -8
Police arrested two teenagers here yesterday. One was drinking battery fluid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,032
|
Bad Jokes
May 14, 2020 14:52:12 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by driftwoody on May 14, 2020 14:52:12 GMT -8
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care!
|
|
balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 4,550
|
Post by balzaccom on May 14, 2020 15:09:49 GMT -8
Thank you guys. I needed a chuckle today, and you came through
|
|
balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 4,550
|
Post by balzaccom on Jun 2, 2020 16:55:09 GMT -8
I was cheating and my wife caught me. She found all the letters I was hiding.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me any more...s=
|
|
biffnix
Trail Wise!
I'm just some guy, you know?
Posts: 49
|
Post by biffnix on Jul 20, 2020 8:54:56 GMT -8
My favorite engineer joke:
Ralph was walking to class on the CalTech campus when his friend, Mike, rode up on a shiny new bicycle.
"Nice bike," remarked Ralph. "Where did you get it?"
Mike replied, "It's the craziest story, Ralph. I was walking by the Athenaeum when a really pretty girl rode up on this very bike, and stopped right in front of me. Just as I was about to walk around her, she threw down the bike, took off all of her clothes, and said, "Take what you want!"
Ralph looked Mike up and down, and said, "Good call, Mike. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
|
|
desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
|
Post by desert dweller on Aug 13, 2020 12:00:53 GMT -8
Lady Astor and Sir Winston Churchill didn't like each other.
Once, during a conversation between the two, Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If we were married I'd put poison in your tea." And Churchill immediately said, "Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it."
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,032
|
Post by driftwoody on Aug 13, 2020 19:01:53 GMT -8
Someone (perhaps Lady Astor) scolded Churchill for ending his sentences with a preposition. He replied "That is the type of pedantry up with which I will not put."
|
|
|
Post by starwalker on Aug 13, 2020 21:10:16 GMT -8
There was a lady who was invited to a dinner with President Calvin Coolidge, known for saying little. She bet a friend she could get him to say more than 2 words. She told Coolidge about it and he said, "You lose,"
|
|
walkswithblackflies
Trail Wise!
Resident terrorist-supporting eco-freak bootlicker
Posts: 6,952
|
Post by walkswithblackflies on Aug 14, 2020 4:52:30 GMT -8
A Roman gladiator walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers please."
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,032
|
Post by driftwoody on Aug 16, 2020 8:07:28 GMT -8
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
|
|