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Post by High Sierra Fan on Sept 21, 2022 20:36:31 GMT -8
As a longtime (solo) customer of diners across the nation where the term “honey” is in my experience rather standard I don’t notice it.
Though more and more the default is no interaction at all: simply a request for my drink choice and food selections. Casual dining shifting to food processing.
I’m not really there for conversation (if I haven’t brought my own), so that’s fine by me.
Groceries? I use the self checkout. Not entirely by choice at first but the four stores I rotate through have all cut staffing to a point it’s not really optional, and I’ve found it’s really a lot like an ATM. In a good way imho.
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Post by cweston on Sept 22, 2022 3:20:01 GMT -8
Love, hun, honey, etc don’t phase me much. I’m old enough to have heard “sir” enough times that it no longer phases me much.
There’s a barista who calls me “boss”: that one does not ring too well with me. (I understand that per stereotypes, a lot of older white guys might really dig being called “boss,” but I guess I’m not one of them.)
I’m just old enough that the use of first names by people like cashiers who read it off my credit card rubs me the wrong way. Uh, we are not on a first-name basis, are we? This one used to REALLY annoy my mother.
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Post by cweston on Sept 22, 2022 3:37:59 GMT -8
Also, it’s probably good to remember that the people calling you whatever it is they call you are in a “lose/lose” kind of scenario: however they choose to address people, someone will be displeased and/or offended.
One of the administrative workers in my department office, who is older than me and also lives in my neighborhood, was consistently calling me “Dr. Weston” at work. I asked her to call me by first name.
Her response was that she would try, but it was tough to keep track (we have almost 50 faculty members in our unit) and that there are some folks that have asked to be addressed as Dr. Lastname.
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Post by Coolkat on Sept 22, 2022 3:47:12 GMT -8
If everyone walks around unconsciously slinging respect, it cheapens real respect. It's like handing out participation trophies. We see things vastly different but that is ok. I understand where you are coming from and to some degree agree with you. However,.... When you treat people with respect even if they don't "deserve" it, people tend to show respect back and even have respect to the next person they encounter. If you praise (or show respect) people (especially kids) even if beyond what they "deserve" it tends to create a desire in them to meet that expectation or even rise above it. Kindness begets kindness and vice versa. I for one will take the limited chance of accidently showing respect to the wierdo hiding hobos in sealed drums in their backyard.
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ErnieW
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Post by ErnieW on Sept 22, 2022 5:02:26 GMT -8
I guess one of the things that bug me about these salutations is that many using them are doing so somewhat ironically. I find this particularly with the term "Boss". At face value they are saying you are the customer and therefore the boss but with many there is an undercurrent of them declaring "you are actually not my boss, Boss". I am not interested in getting involved with their authority issues. Maybe it is my issue but sometimes when I am asked "What would you like sweetie?" I sort of hear "What do you want a-hole?". Maybe this is more an NYC area thing.
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Post by High Sierra Fan on Sept 22, 2022 5:58:12 GMT -8
The NYC diner scene is very much performance art, even when it’s not, lol. Like the aluminum and chrome decor and odd polyester uniforms: it’s a stage with costumed actors delivering off an impersonal script.
I find them a bit like McDonald’s: soothing in their predictably. (If not always their food quality). Granted, born and raised there (Astoria).
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Travis
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Post by Travis on Sept 22, 2022 7:04:22 GMT -8
As I hinted earlier, people who really know me are more likely to call me "Trouble-Maker," or just "Trouble" for short. . . . You make it sound like the cumulative burden of troubles in this life are a zero sum game, and you have harnessed your natural proclivities to become a self appointed arbiter to redistribute those troubles based on your perception of justice. Gosh, I thought I was just telling a big fib.
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ErnieW
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Post by ErnieW on Sept 22, 2022 7:19:47 GMT -8
The NYC diner scene is very much performance art, even when it’s not, lol. Like the aluminum and chrome decor and odd polyester uniforms: it’s a stage with costumed actors delivering off an impersonal script. A lot of servers/bartenders in Manhattan are actually want to be actors/performers.
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Post by Sleeping Bag Man! on Sept 22, 2022 7:31:06 GMT -8
When you treat people with respect even if they don't "deserve" it, people tend to show respect back and even have respect to the next person they encounter. If you praise (or show respect) people (especially kids) even if beyond what they "deserve" it tends to create a desire in them to meet that expectation or even rise above it. Kindness begets kindness and vice versa. I for one will take the limited chance of accidently showing respect to the wierdo hiding hobos in sealed drums in their backyard. All this warm fuzzy respect is going to spread around the whole wide world simply by calling someone a name? One single magical name? No...this is cheap, lazy, and fraught with misunderstanding. If we truly want to express authentic respect to strangers, we need to take the time to have a real conversation. Find out something real about them, something specific about their lives and praise that. Done with cheer and lack of condescension, this can truly affect someone positively. If there's no time for that...smiles, politeness (please & thank you), and absence of dickishness are perfectly sufficient. But I am a front-line service worker, so what do I know? I'm not the brightest in society.
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walkswithblackflies
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Post by walkswithblackflies on Sept 22, 2022 8:59:35 GMT -8
Travis you'd love it here in the Northeast, where everyone's abject apathy sticks to you like a giant glob of tar. When I was doing a project in Alabama, the terms of endearment were flowing like water. It was so perfectly stereotypical of the South. I liked "Sug" (sho͝og) the best.
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swiftdream
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Post by swiftdream on Sept 22, 2022 8:59:47 GMT -8
You people are so analytical
In the words of a great man…
Fk it dude, let’s go hiking
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Post by Sleeping Bag Man! on Sept 22, 2022 9:41:17 GMT -8
What's really important here is that I am NOT OLD. Thusly and forsooth, I am never to be called "sir". NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD NOT OLD This is a tragic clerical error:
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walkswithblackflies
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Post by walkswithblackflies on Sept 22, 2022 9:59:30 GMT -8
^^^^ Right?!?!!? Those bastards sent me something a few weeks ago. I do Spartan Races for chrissakes!
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Post by Sleeping Bag Man! on Sept 22, 2022 10:09:24 GMT -8
Right?!?!!? Those bastards sent me something a few weeks ago. Down with the Geriatric Industrial Complex! I'm suing them for slander! I do Spartan Races for chrissakes! Is this where you race home to use the bathroom? Me too...
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Sept 22, 2022 10:33:15 GMT -8
AARP has been harassing me since I was barely out of university. No WAY will I join an organization that is trying to push me into old age. Though of course, the name is "retired persons," not "old folks." And I am sort of retired now--but not when they sent me my first invitation at about age 40!
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