Travis
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WYOMING NATIVE
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Post by Travis on Sept 20, 2022 13:47:21 GMT -8
I’ve heard women object to be called “a doll” or “sweetheart” or “dear” by random men with no close association to them. Such words may be considered "terms of endearment" (or “pet names”), but they can make many women cringe at what they rightfully may see as demeaning or disrespectful, and inappropriate in the workplace.
I have long banished such terms from my conversations, but in an odd twist, I find myself subjected to similar terms from women whom I don’t even know. Some of the terms that grate on me like fingernails on a blackboard include “buddy,” “hon,” and today, “my dear.” Most of the women are middle-aged. I don’t know why.
And it’s bad enough to hear myself addressed that way once. But when the term is used repeatedly during a brief encounter at the cash register, and week after week, let’s just say there is a significant potential for the brief conversation to take a downward spiral.
So, men and women, how do you approach such circumstances? Or am I the only one?
Sense of humor welcome.
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zeke
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Peekaboo slot 2023
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Post by zeke on Sept 20, 2022 13:57:18 GMT -8
Southern wait staff all seem to use Honey, regardless of who they are or who the customer is. Since you live fairly far from what I consider The South, I can't begin to tell you why this particular custom has spread to your region.
As for how I handle it, mostly I just let it slide. The one that irks me is 2 white guys calling each other Bro. Some things just shouldn't be appropriated from other cultures.
ETA: April called me Asshole so often while we were dating that I told her I never knew it was a term of endearment. Her response? "It's NOT, you asshole!" I told her just before our wedding that I was thinking about getting a brown star tattoo on my shoulder. She nixed that idea.
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Post by Lamebeaver on Sept 20, 2022 14:01:30 GMT -8
And it’s bad enough to hear myself addressed that way once. But when the term is used repeatedly during a brief encounter at the cash register, and week after week, let’s just say there is a significant potential for the brief conversation to take a downward spiral. Local cashier calls me "Honey". Every single time. Of course she calls everyone else Honey too. I just ignore it. YMMV
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franco
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Post by franco on Sept 20, 2022 14:26:02 GMT -8
In England it was "love". Sometimes used in Australia too , by those that have forgotten they have left the Motherland. But in Australia we are lucky to have a great term to use when we don't know or remember someone's name. That is : MATE.
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Post by absarokanaut on Sept 20, 2022 14:42:26 GMT -8
"friend" and "pal" have become pejoratives.
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Post by hikerjer on Sept 20, 2022 15:33:56 GMT -8
Terms of endearment don’t bother me much. My mother was English and everyone was “luv” so I guess I’m conditioned to it. What really grates me is when someone, usually considerably younger than me, calls me “dude”. What does that mean anyway?
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Post by Sleeping Bag Man! on Sept 20, 2022 15:42:59 GMT -8
When a young person calls me “Sir”
I ain’t your daddy. I’m not your commanding officer. I haven’t been knighted. And I’m most definitely not old!
I think my revulsion is part instinctive rejection of all forms of fealty, part suspicion of fake respect, and part indisputable scientific fact that I am not old.
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franco
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Post by franco on Sept 20, 2022 15:44:04 GMT -8
I like etymology so I had a look . From Wiki : Dude is American slang for an individual, typically male.[1] From the 1870s to the 1960s, dude primarily meant a male person who dressed in an extremely fashionable manner (a dandy) or a conspicuous citified person who was visiting a rural location, a "city slicker". In the 1960s, dude evolved to mean any male person, a meaning that slipped into mainstream American slang in the 1970s. Current slang retains at least some use of all three of these common meanings.[2] The term "dude" may have derived from the 18th-century word "doodle", as in "Yankee Doodle Dandy"
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balzaccom
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Waiting for spring...
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Post by balzaccom on Sept 20, 2022 15:44:08 GMT -8
I much prefer Honey to Sir. But maybe that's because the older I get, the more I head sir...
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Post by Lamebeaver on Sept 20, 2022 15:51:54 GMT -8
“dude”. What does that mean anyway?
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texasbb
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Post by texasbb on Sept 20, 2022 17:07:31 GMT -8
I say embrace it or at least get over it. If they're dissing you, it won't be "hon."
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driftwoody
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Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
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Post by driftwoody on Sept 20, 2022 17:14:49 GMT -8
A waitress automatically lowers her tip if she calls Mrs. Driftwoody "Honey."
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Travis
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WYOMING NATIVE
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Post by Travis on Sept 20, 2022 19:44:00 GMT -8
I say embrace it or at least get over it. If they're dissing you, it won't be "hon." Once a week I drive into town to do all my shopping for the week. Stops include bank, hardware store, and grocery store. It’s a small grocery store with normally two lanes open. Usually, I know one of the cashiers well and visit with them as they ring up my groceries. If it helps them during a rush, I’ll bag my own groceries. And I always carry them out for myself. To make a long story short, I think I’ve earned a reputation for having a sense of humor. A few weeks ago when both lanes were busy, I waited in line at a young lady’s lane. The other lane was staffed by a middle-aged woman who regularly called me “Buddy.” As both lanes cleared and my turn arrived, the older woman said, “I can help you over here, Buddy.” I looked at her lane and the young lady almost ready for my cart. And I said to the older woman, “That’s okay. I think I’ll stay here, she’s about ready.” The older woman was caught completely off guard and asked, “You don’t want me to wait on you?” I guess she suddenly forgot to call me “Buddy.” I just shrugged and pushed my cart forward in my lane. I learned later that the older woman gave two-week’s notice before she went home that evening. Her reason for quitting? Well. Some trouble-maker named Travis seemed to prefer the customer service of the mere “girl” at the other cash register. And the older woman didn’t like being paid the same as the young lady — who had actually worked there longer. The next week, before her two weeks were up, I pushed my cart into the older woman’s lane, bagged my own groceries for her, and carried them out, as I always do. For some odd reason, she didn’t call me “Buddy” even once. But in the unlikely event I see that woman again, I’ll pass on your advice: “TexasBB says, ‘Embrace it or at least get over it.’” Minimum-wage workers don’t earn much in the state of Wyoming. So I try to treat each one with consideration. They don’t need unfriendly customers to go with their low paychecks. But I carry a sense of humor along with the consideration. And yeah, some people call me “trouble,” a term I find much more compatible with the sense of humor. Heh, heh.
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BigLoad
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Pancakes!
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Post by BigLoad on Sept 20, 2022 20:24:02 GMT -8
Once in a while it takes me by surprise, and I'm afraid I visibly twitched. I usually don't mind, although I take it as a sign of aging. My pet peeve is constantly being mistaken as a sales clerk because I'm the only person in the store dressed like an adult.
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Post by starwalker on Sept 20, 2022 22:24:16 GMT -8
It isn't insulting, so I just ignore it even though my wife and I will kid each other about it later.
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