gabby
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Post by gabby on Sept 2, 2019 14:54:39 GMT -8
Yesterday afternoon I saw a woman openig the door in her nightdress. I don't know why she had one there. A bear got into my cabin in the middle of the night and I shot him in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. Attribution please! (BOTH are almost certainly variations on a Groucho Marx line.) One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. -- Groucho Marx Brainy Quote: Groucho Marx
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driftwoody
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Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
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Post by driftwoody on Sept 2, 2019 15:05:39 GMT -8
certainly variations on a Groucho Marx line I thought about listing the attribution, but I figured there was more entertainment value in it for me to see if someone would make the connection to Groucho's old joke. I knew if you were hanging around TH you'd get it immediately. What I should have known is you'd scold me for lack of attribution.
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franco
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Post by franco on Sept 2, 2019 15:08:53 GMT -8
Mine is from Billy Connoly telling a joke he liked from another British comic. (can't remember who that one was)
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gabby
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Post by gabby on Sept 2, 2019 15:12:46 GMT -8
I knew if you were hanging around TH you'd get it immediately. What I should have known is you'd scold me for lack of attribution. Look, no big deal. The wife was - and maybe still is - a big Groucho fan. She knows all the movies and many of the jokes. (She isn't half as funny now, and that's probably my fault. You probably understand why I'd say that.)
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franco
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Post by franco on Sept 2, 2019 15:49:37 GMT -8
I met Billy Connolly 3 times. ( working in camera stores in Melbourne. I was working there not Billy) He is exactly the same in person as he is on TV. Yes he likes to tell a joke.
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Post by starwalker on Sept 2, 2019 18:28:47 GMT -8
Somebody stole my limbo stick.
How low can you go?
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geosp
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Post by geosp on Sept 3, 2019 0:48:22 GMT -8
Mine is from Billy Connoly telling a joke he liked from another British comic. (can't remember who that one was) Franco, I think that was maybe one of Tommy Cooper's. He was the master of the one liner. Tragically died on stage, fell back through the curtains and the audience thought it part of the act. Here's one of his... A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've broken my arm in several places'. The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'.
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ErnieW
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I want to backpack
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Post by ErnieW on Sept 3, 2019 16:54:33 GMT -8
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balzaccom
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Waiting for spring...
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Post by balzaccom on Sept 3, 2019 20:10:23 GMT -8
Two from my students tonight:
Today at the bank an elderly woman customer asked me to check her balance. So I knocked her over.
And the big gossip in the chemistry lab is that oxygen is dating magnesium. OMG!
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franco
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Post by franco on Sept 4, 2019 0:57:42 GMT -8
Mine is from Billy Connoly telling a joke he liked from another British comic. (can't remember who that one was) Franco, I think that was maybe one of Tommy Cooper's. He was the master of the one liner. Tragically died on stage, fell back through the curtains and the audience thought it part of the act. Here's one of his... A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've broken my arm in several places'. The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'. No , no mention of Tommy Cooper by Billy, I would have rememberd that. It was some comic I was not familiar with. ( I see if I can find it) I was in London in the mid 70's when Tommy Cooper was still very popular and occasionaly sober. He died , literally, on live TV... Odly both him and Billy were shipbuilders before they performed on stage. ( Billy was a welder, started working at 15) I have mixed feelings about this but I think Tommy would have liked his departure, so here it is : (I deleted the video because you would need to be very familiar with his life to understand the point but yes it was Tommy dying on stage) anyway :
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tomas
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Post by tomas on Sept 4, 2019 7:26:00 GMT -8
Somebody stole my limbo stick. How low can you go? Another variation is: Did you hear that somebody stole all the toilets in the police station? The cops have nothing to go on.
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driftwoody
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Post by driftwoody on Sept 4, 2019 18:34:22 GMT -8
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts cost $1.49. Deer nuts are always under a buck.
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whistlepunk
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I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
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Post by whistlepunk on Sept 11, 2019 20:19:53 GMT -8
A guy walks into a bar waving a handgun. He yells out "I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911 with a 7 round magazine and one in the chamber. I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
A voice from the back of the room yells out "You need more ammo."
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whistlepunk
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I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
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Post by whistlepunk on Sept 16, 2019 16:42:40 GMT -8
Edam is the only type of cheese that is made backwards.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 11:24:36 GMT -8
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on the average, Americans get around 41 miles to the gallon.
-Don- Reno, NV
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