tomas
Trail Wise!
Posts: 1,906
|
Post by tomas on Jan 18, 2020 16:00:25 GMT -8
Disney will be making a sequel to Doolittle. But this time the lead character will be able to communicate with plants. The working title is Jack and the Beans Talk
|
|
whistlepunk
Trail Wise!
I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
Posts: 1,446
|
Post by whistlepunk on Jan 18, 2020 21:00:12 GMT -8
Remember when you had to smack the TV when it wasn't coming in clearly?
Lately, I have been wanting to do that to a lot of people.
|
|
franco
Trail Wise!
Posts: 2,297
|
Post by franco on Jan 19, 2020 1:40:46 GMT -8
Dysentery week coming up. Runs Mon till Fri.
|
|
|
Post by hikingtiger on Jan 21, 2020 13:33:19 GMT -8
At a funeral a guy aproches the widow and asks if he can say a word. The widows replies : please do Bargain.The widow comments : thank you. That means a great deal to me. Oooh, a new (to me) version. I've heard it like this: At a funeral a guy approaches the widow and asks if he can say a word. The widows replies, "Please do." He clears his throat. "Plethora," he says, then sits down. The widow comments, "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
|
|
franco
Trail Wise!
Posts: 2,297
|
Post by franco on Jan 21, 2020 15:31:26 GMT -8
At a funeral a guy aproches the widow and asks if he can say a word. The widows replies : please do Bargain.The widow comments : thank you. That means a great deal to me. Oooh, a new (to me) version. I've heard it like this:
At a funeral a guy approaches the widow and asks if he can say a word. The widows replies, "Please do." He clears his throat. "Plethora," he says, then sits down. The widow comments, "Thank you. That means a lot to me." same here...This should have been posted already but just in case ... What is worse than raining cats and dogs ? Hailing taxis.
|
|
whistlepunk
Trail Wise!
I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
Posts: 1,446
|
Post by whistlepunk on Jan 29, 2020 8:03:45 GMT -8
I think it is nice manufacturers are putting little jokes and humorous puns on the snack food labels. For example, this one:
Serving size three cookies.
|
|
|
Post by bluefish on Jan 29, 2020 8:25:54 GMT -8
A cowboy approached me on the dude ranch I was vacationing on. "hey, want to help round-up some cows?" Me: "how many?" Cowboy-" 18" Me-"then let's do it to a hundred and we can all take a nap"
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2020 9:58:42 GMT -8
TOP TEN REASONS WHY MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN:
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the Number One reason Why Men Prefer Guns over women...
#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun.
|
|
|
Post by bluefish on Feb 1, 2020 10:43:58 GMT -8
A gun doesn't have the ability to shoot you by itself if you sleep with another gun. Some people like them cold , hard and dangerous. Talking about hot loads doesn't get you banned from forums.
|
|
|
Post by autumnmist on Feb 1, 2020 12:54:05 GMT -8
I think fairness requires that we women think of some reasons to prefer guns to men.
|
|
balzaccom
Trail Wise!
Waiting for spring...
Posts: 4,549
|
Bad Jokes
Feb 1, 2020 13:03:54 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by balzaccom on Feb 1, 2020 13:03:54 GMT -8
I think many of those will work for women, too. But you might add:
- guns don't insist on holding the remote
- guns won't explain things to you that you understand better than they do.
- guns don't ogle
- guns aren't misogynistic...😝
|
|
geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
|
Post by geosp on Feb 1, 2020 13:44:41 GMT -8
Woman was concerned her dog (a Schnauzer) was going deaf, so she took it to the vet.
The vet found that the problem was matted hair in the dog's ears. After cleaning both ears the dog could hear fine. He advised get some 'Nair' hair remover and apply to the dog's ears once a month.
Off she goes to the pharmacist for some "Nair" hair remover. "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days" says the pharmacist.
"I'm not going to use it under my arms. It's for my Schnauzer"
"Well' says the pharmacist, "stay off your bicycle for about a week."
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,029
|
Post by driftwoody on Feb 1, 2020 14:15:19 GMT -8
I think fairness requires that we women think of some reasons to prefer guns to men. Ammo on demand?
|
|
driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,029
|
Post by driftwoody on Feb 1, 2020 14:56:49 GMT -8
Pretty sure this qualifies as a bad joke:
A woman was talking to the golf pro and complained about getting stung by a bee out on the course. He asked where, and she said between the first and second hole. "I think your stance is too wide," he replied.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2020 15:19:11 GMT -8
Why Worry?
In life there are only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick...and if you are well, then there's nothing to worry about!
Now if you are sick there are two things to worry about! Worry about how to get better, or worry about dying.
If you get better, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you die, then there's two things to worry about: Going to Heaven or going to Hell.
If you go to Heaven there's nothing to worry about! Yeah Now if you go to Hell you'll be too busy shaking hands with all of your friends you won't have time to worry!
So, why worry at all?
|
|