rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Aug 7, 2015 19:29:07 GMT -8
Seems like every now and then over the years we've gotten guys dropping in to ask advice about taking their wife/girlfriend/daughter backpacking. I thought it would be nice to gather some of our wisdom here before anyone even has to ask. I'm thinking mostly of the never-been-camping types, but the transition from car-camping to backpacking can be tricky, too. (This is actually also apropos for women thinking about taking it up all on their own, though there are some things that the men need to hear for sure).
I'll start off the list with a few things I can think of right off.
1. Get a copy of How to Shit in the Woods. Read it. Let her read it in private. 2. Chocolate, and wine if she's that sort. However much it takes. 3. If you want her to do it more than once, make sure she is comfortable. If that means you carry a giant pack and she carries 15 lbs., so be it. You can even things out later, maybe. 4. Unless a woman is post-menopausal, she needs to be prepared for a period to start at any time. There's no convenience store out backpacking, and I don't imagine moss would be very comfy. 5. If you make one comment about her appearance after sleeping on the ground and not showering for 3 days, you deserve what you'll get.
Okay, gang, take it away!
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zeke
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Post by zeke on Aug 8, 2015 8:41:03 GMT -8
2. Chocolate. Absolutely, and it doesn't mean only for the women. 3. Applies to many things, Catering to her needs and comfort will insure many activities continue. 5. "I really like the way that bandanna sets off your coloring. You should wear hats more often."
When I was accompanied by April on any backpacking trip, it was enough that she was out there. When we got to camp, she could help in any way she wanted. Didn't want to help set up the tent? OK by me. Didn't want to help cook? OK by me. Wanted to just soak her feet in the stream while I took care of camp chores? fine by me. All I wanted was for her to have a good time. I played the role of sherpa, because I could and she had less capacity.
I see nothing wrong with each person carrying a load determined by capabilities. I was a big, strong guy with the ability to hike under greater loads, so I did that. Now, I am still a big guy, but age has diminished my capability to carry large pack loads. Yet, if she can carry her own clothes, and some of her food, I think I could carry the rest.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Aug 8, 2015 21:30:28 GMT -8
Zeke, I have a different attitude about that--because going backpacking is at least as much my thing as the spouse's. I do my share around camp (after all these years we have the jobs divided without even mentioning it), though I do not carry as much as he does. The difference isn't huge, because I'm nearly as big as my spouse, but I have to acknowledge that he has significantly more muscle mass. Hurts my ego not to get as strong, but there it is.
That isn't as relevant to guys taking newby wives out, but might not be completely irrelevant: be careful of treating a woman who's used to being strong and in control like some kind of delicate flower. It's delicate territory, and no mistake!
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zeke
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Post by zeke on Aug 9, 2015 7:21:29 GMT -8
I would agree with that assessment. Balancing thing at home seems like a good idea, and keeping an open mind to rebalancing the load after being on the trail some also helps. If you are 5'4" and 125#s, don't expect to carry as much as a person much larger and heavier. There are exceptions to every rule, but 25% of body weight is a good starting point. These days, I try to keep my pack under 18% of my weight.
As for chores in camp, I was happy to do any of them, and she helped out. I just didn't assign tasks based on what we did at home. If she wanted a fire, and wanted to gather some of the wood, so be it. We settled into our own routines, but it was nothing like our daily life. It's delicate territory, and make no mistake!
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Post by Lamebeaver on Aug 12, 2015 8:30:43 GMT -8
I think it depends a lot on the woman.
For some women, you should go on a few trips yourself, not say "Hey let's go backpacking for a week". Learn the tough lessons yourself, then make sure she's warm, comfortable, liquored up, etc.
For others, being able to share the learning experience together(and laugh at it later), will either strengthen your bond or end your relationship. Sleeping in a tent, you see a side to a person that you might not glimpse across the table in a coffee shop. If she comes back from the trip enthusiastic, then you've found yourself a keeper.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Aug 19, 2015 20:52:51 GMT -8
That seems accurate, LB. It's hard for me to imagine not wanting to learn together with my spouse, except we were both experienced backpackers when we met but some women may want to be taken care of or have it made easier for them. And a lot depends on relative levels of experience and enthusiasm for both parties (because this could also hold true for a woman wanting to introduce her man to backpacking).
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Sept 20, 2015 20:42:57 GMT -8
Okay, here's another one we don't seem to have down even after 21, going on 22 years: when your wife/girlfriend/hiking (or biking) companion of any sort says she needs to eat, FEED HER! Do not argue that it hasn't been long enough since breakfast!!!!
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gonehiking
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Post by gonehiking on Sept 25, 2015 5:32:35 GMT -8
Guys should maybe keep in mind, that the speed of your better half might be slower than your own. So keeping your regular speed and leaving the woman to bite the dust behind you might not be the best solution. When you are planning the trip, adjust the distances a bit shorter. The physique of women just ain't the same as men. My ex made me push forward for 20 kilometers on the first day of my very first multiple day hike, in demanding terrain. Next day I was sore as ever and the next 2 days the covered distance was much shorter AND I got a fever. Surprisingly he is an ex now
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speacock
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Post by speacock on Sept 28, 2015 18:13:19 GMT -8
We plan the route and overnight timing together. Generally it is a .9mm Pentil pencil laid along the trail on a 1:63,000 map - about 10mi. She is the first and last word if we camp early or push on for more miles. She has often wanted to get another mile or more each afternoon it seemed. It is the terrain that doesn't show up on the map that makes her decision. Except for uphill she leads. I set the pace uphill or I wouldn't make it.
Expert experience says she cooks and I clean up...and everything else. I organize the stuff we need at a stop, set up the tent, fluff up the pads and layout the sleeping bags, get the water. Reverse in morning as I load both packs. It has worked this way for decades. A 7AM (or earlier) start on the trail is routine with that split in labor. She would much rather use our time during the day on the way.
She has a knack of seeing the future or estimating things. On a 9 day trip, we ended up with two squares of TP left. I gave her a trophy celebrating that skill at a family reunion. She carried a Lowe Sicorro 70+10 women's pack.
She thinks a noon hot lunch break is good for me. I'm not so grouchy the rest of the day -- SHE sez.
She likes a nice soup to start (Knor) to relax and maybe a drizzle of sherry/port. She picked the stove - Dragon Fly. She likes the thought of a little nip later of a good cognac. Always a pot of tea. She is in charge of the Berikade (personal canister), I carry it.
She can set up the tent as fast as I can, if needed.
She has me along mainly for the foot rubs.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Sept 30, 2015 16:25:40 GMT -8
Guys should maybe keep in mind, that the speed of your better half might be slower than your own. So keeping your regular speed and leaving the woman to bite the dust behind you might not be the best solution. This is sometimes an issue with us, especially when the spouse gets to racing off with the offspring. Typically we regroup at any summits, junctions, or dubious spots, and I make sure I'm carrying food to snack on. Error last summer was that the guys weren't carrying any lunch--and my BiL & I ended up taking about 2 hours longer to hit camp than did the DH and ES. We also determine distances and elevations to tackle as a team. It's just that the actual execution of them can be different. On a good day, the DH stays close to me because he stops more for photos
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wanderboth
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Post by wanderboth on Oct 14, 2015 5:28:58 GMT -8
Chao and I both started at the same time, so her and I both stumbled on the first few trips.
But I agree, start the lady off easy and then slowly get her into doing more. We both enjoy doing all the chores and carrying a load now.
Woman simply have a harder time in the wilderness than men (with bathroom needs and other womanly stuff), so be a little patient and everything should work out fine.
I would actually advise against dividing up the chores so meticulously. The idea is to be out there enjoying each other's company! With that in mind, we share a lot of tasks, even if that means working at half speed.
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cajun
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Post by cajun on Oct 14, 2015 18:24:45 GMT -8
be careful of treating a woman who's used to being strong and in control like some kind of delicate flower. My favorite kayak partner was a guy who would help put the boats on the car, but then left me to tie them down. I said "Thank you!" He thought I was being fecetious, but no: I was genuinely pleased he left that part of the work to me. So many men automatically assume that they can do things better than women, and it's not necessarily the case. As for introducing women to the wilderness, I had the opposite problem: I had to introduce a man to the wilderness. I don't bring wine or booze; I don't generally drink on the trail. I don't bring chocolate; I've had too many times when it's melted. And I cook in freezer bags, so there's rarely any kitchen clean-up beyond rinsing a spoon. If he wanted any of those, he was responsible for those himself. Being comfy? Yes -- a nice mattress pad is a winner!! So I'd say it depends on the woman. You know your significant other best ... do whatever that person might like to make for a super trip!
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Oct 14, 2015 21:30:30 GMT -8
o I'd say it depends on the woman. You know your significant other best ... do whatever that person might like to make for a super trip! And maybe if you don't know the person well enough to have some idea how they will react to backpacking, you might want to get to know them a little better before heading out. That just occurred to me as a general thing--if you are going to backpack with someone, especially in a shared-gear situation where you can't easily split, it's good to have a pretty good idea what you're both getting into.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Oct 14, 2015 21:33:10 GMT -8
a guy who would help put the boats on the car And that brings up the one that was and to some degree still is hard for me: recognizing simple physical limits and differences. You are short (I think I can safely note that without offense ). Putting the boats on the car is harder for you than for a tall person. Same goes sometimes for "simple" things like a creek crossing--short legs or issues with balance may mean that what is easy for one hiker is hard for another, not because they are weak or chicken, but because that "easy step" is a jump.
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almostthere
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Post by almostthere on Oct 18, 2015 13:48:21 GMT -8
I organize hikes for a women-specific backpacking group, run two other groups that do both day hiking and backpacking and have more men than women, and teach a backpacking class locally. Both the women's group and one of my two hiking groups are prone to having newbies show up.
Women CAN have more difficulties in the wilderness -- I tend to be the most experienced person, in two of the groups mentioned, on any given trip, and rarely have any of those difficulties. Men can have different issues -- the urge to be "the man" is a big issue with newbie male backpackers, as I'm female and am supposed to be looking to him for help -- that's the message I get from their attitudes, is all I'm saying. One fellow in one of my classes would listen to everything and do the opposite anyway as if going out of his way to tell me my opinion was worthless -- then anything that another inexperienced male said, he'd actually discuss and offer opinions, as if mine were not worth discussion. He didn't come back to class (I heard him mutter something about not being treated like a third grader -- uh huh. Beginning backpacking classes include material appropriate to beginners, right?) Newbie males sometimes ignore what I say and do whatever they think is right on trips -- some of the more spectacular fails happened that way. I think it's more accurate to say that newbies have more difficulties. Women getting into backpacking can believe they are at a disadvantage when it's just that they haven't backpacked enough yet. They tend to be afraid of other people, or animals, not the things that carry a higher risk.
I don't think I ever looked at menstruation as a problem. Some women won't go if it's almost that time. I've never cared -- pack twice as much supplies as you think you need, spare pairs of underwear, restock TP, throw in a couple extra freezer bag ziplocks, add individually wrapped wet wipes. Pack plenty of ibuprofen if prone to cramping. Activity can increase flow -- plan pacing/miles to allow for plenty of stops along the way.
I hiked alone, and still do sometimes, so having companions separate on the trail for a while isn't a problem. But when my boyfriend came along, and he practically raced off into the distance with other hiking companions, leaving me far behind? That sends a message you don't want to send, guys. Better to check with her than assume.
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