Adventure Therapy

trinity, I just saw this, since when you first posted I was off doing some wilderness/adventure therapy of my own (okay, they didn't call it that. They called it a raft trip. But it was therapy). I'm hoping for you that this does what you need, and that you will be able to keep taking deep breaths and doing the things that you know will help him, even when it's hard.

trinity , I read your initial comments sometime ago but didn't post b/c I really had no insights to offer, and you received good support from others. I am glad to read that the experience is going well and progress is being made.

Your comments remind me of something I've thought of periodically, and this is by no means any criticism of your family; rather, it's a criticism of society's norms. I think there's far too much emphasis, focus and pressure on children as well as adults to fall into pre-determined standards of what each segment of society should be. That seems so obvious that it doesn't need to be said. But I remember being pressured in high school to jump up and down and cheer at pep rallies. I had no interest in football, and being stubborn, I refused to play the game and daydreamed through that what I thought was too much of an attempt to force behavior.

My niece's husband stays home with the children; she worked 12 hour shifts as a nurse and now as an NP. Her 12 year old son began writing programs last year. (Maybe that's normal for children these days, but I thought it was a great accomplishment.) And what differences their 3 boys  have are viewed more in individual terms and adaptation as opposed to standards (such as how much babies and children should be growing). Each boy is an entity unto himself,  not a carbon copy of some idealized son.   Perhaps they reflect a new trend for young parents?

Coming forward to today, I still see that for children, and adults. I remember when men began staying home raising children while their wives worked. I thought that was an excellent decision; it allows men to experience what women often only experience themselves. And women see a side of working life, careers, and ladder climbing that we hadn't experienced before.

JMHO, but I think the more these alternate roles are experienced, the better, more knowledgeable, understanding, and hopefully more compassionate we become as people.

I never had much exposure to "special needs" people or children until my sister adopted a 12 year old boy with multiple problems. She fought "tooth and nail" to keep him in school, battled the teachers and administrations (which wanted to push him out of "traditional school"), and spent thousands of dollars on remedial treatment. I think what irritated her and me the most was the attitude of the schools: "if you didn't fit in, go elsewhere; it's not our responsibility to accommodate you!"

You and your wife are unique and very special, and I hope not only that everyone sees in your experience new insights into father, mother and son roles and family interaction, but especially the possibilities, and new ways to maximize everyone's value in this great experience we call life.