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Post by hikingtiger on Nov 20, 2017 7:10:40 GMT -8
Two muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, "Man, it's getting warm in here." The other says, "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"
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leafwalker
Trail Wise!
peace on earth and good will toward all - om shanti
Posts: 526
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Post by leafwalker on Nov 20, 2017 9:40:13 GMT -8
knock, knock whose there sawyer sawyer who saw yer underware
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driftwoody
Trail Wise!
Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
Posts: 15,034
Member is Online
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Post by driftwoody on Nov 20, 2017 11:01:15 GMT -8
Did you hear about the [ethnic group of your choice] who locked his keys in the car?
Took him an hour to get his family out.
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geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
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Post by geosp on Nov 20, 2017 12:59:27 GMT -8
Someone complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
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Post by JRinGeorgia on Nov 20, 2017 13:13:10 GMT -8
A young woman gets on a city bus with her newborn baby. The bus driver takes one look at her baby and breaks out laughing. "That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!" he cries.
The woman is so offended she storms to the back of the bus and sits down angrily. A young man sitting across the aisle from her notices how upset she is and asks her what the problem is. "That busy driver was just horribly rude to me!" she said.
"Well, that's not right." The man responds. "He shouldn't be allowed to treat you like that!"
"I know, I know." the woman responds.
"Our tax dollars supplement his income. In a manner of speaking, he works for us."
"You're right!" The woman exclaims.
The man says, "You should go give him a piece of your mind!"
"I think I will!" The woman says and stands up.
"Good for you. And while you go up there, I'll be glad to hold your monkey."
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Post by Lamebeaver on Nov 21, 2017 3:21:23 GMT -8
A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."
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Post by cloudwalker on Nov 21, 2017 7:47:42 GMT -8
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzhu.
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Post by cloudwalker on Nov 21, 2017 7:49:29 GMT -8
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
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Post by cloudwalker on Nov 21, 2017 7:51:48 GMT -8
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
It was a nice ceremony, but the reception was amazing.
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Post by cloudwalker on Nov 21, 2017 7:52:47 GMT -8
Nothing rhymes with orange.
No it doesn't!
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Post by cloudwalker on Nov 21, 2017 7:55:32 GMT -8
It's times like this I wish I had listened to what my mother always told me.
What did she say?
I don't know, I wasn't listening.
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geosp
Trail Wise!
Posts: 495
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Post by geosp on Nov 21, 2017 12:58:27 GMT -8
This bloke went into REI's and said 'I want to buy a tent.' Assistant said 'To camp?' He replied (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent'. 'And I also want to buy a caravan.' Assistant said 'Camper?' He replied (camply) 'Make your mind up.'
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desert dweller
Trail Wise!
Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
Posts: 6,291
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Post by desert dweller on Nov 21, 2017 14:20:06 GMT -8
Q. How do you make a hormone? A. Don't pay her.
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Post by atvtuner on Nov 21, 2017 14:46:03 GMT -8
You can lead a horse to water but you can't lead a horticulture.
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whistlepunk
Trail Wise!
I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
Posts: 1,446
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Post by whistlepunk on Nov 21, 2017 15:18:33 GMT -8
How do you make antifreeze?
Take away her flannel nightie.
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