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Post by bluefish on Dec 24, 2019 16:16:57 GMT -8
Talking to my next door neighbor, I learned we are getting out of town just in time. Santa is bringing a drum set for his eight year old. That's no joke. He may turn into a drummer. That reminds me, What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.
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balzaccom
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Waiting for spring...
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Post by balzaccom on Dec 24, 2019 21:15:07 GMT -8
A ton of musician jokes...
A taxi pulls up in front a three musicians; a guitarist, a pianist, and a drummer. Which one has a real job?
The taxi driver
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Post by burntfoot on Jan 3, 2020 22:56:00 GMT -8
Okay, here are some band director jokes.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a chain saw? You can tune up a chain saw.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? A lawn mower works well in small ensembles.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.
What do you call 27 oboes at the bottom of Blue Mesa Reservoir? A good start.
What do you do if you have a student who can't play his instrument? Give him two sticks and make him a drummer. What do you do if he's unsuccessful at that? Take away one stick and make him a conductor.
How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he goes through the entire box to find the perfect one.
What is the difference between a tuba player and a sack of manure? The sack.
A trumpet player's hand shake. Hi, I'm the best.
How can you tell if the stage is level? Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
An inventor came up with a magic mirror. If you tell it a true statement, you will see VISIONS OF BEAUTY in the mirror. But, if you tell it a false statement, POOF you disappear forever. A trumpet player walks up to the mirror. "I think I am an excellent trumpet player." A BEAUTIFUL FOREST SCENE "And, I think I know all my scales perfectly." CLOUDS AND ANGELS WITH HARPS "And, I think I am not conceited." POOF - He's gone forever. A saxophone player walks up to the mirror. "I think I am one of the best jazz musicians in this state." A BEAUTIFUL RIVER WITH A WATERFALL "And, I think that all my practicing is paying off." AN OCEAN VIEW WITH A GORGEOUS SUNSET "And, I think I have lots of friends." POOF - He's gone forever. A flute player walks up to the mirror. "I think - " POOF!
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balzaccom
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Waiting for spring...
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Post by balzaccom on Jan 4, 2020 7:01:03 GMT -8
Those are lovely, burntfoot!
Last night I left my banjo in the car on the street. The next morning the driver's side window was smashed, and there were two banjos in my car...
Why are violas larger than violins? They're not. But violinists' heads are much larger, so they make the violins look smaller...
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driftwoody
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Bad Jokes
Jan 4, 2020 7:04:46 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by driftwoody on Jan 4, 2020 7:04:46 GMT -8
I can't stand music with too much sax and violins.
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texasbb
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Post by texasbb on Jan 4, 2020 7:59:36 GMT -8
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Post by burntfoot on Jan 4, 2020 19:50:42 GMT -8
Two lions are visiting together. One of them is large, healthy, and well-fed. The other is scrawny and always starving. So, he asked the other lion his advice. That healthy lion said that he had an exclusive diet of only band directors.
The skinny lion said he'd give it a try. Sure enough, the next week a safari came by which included a band director. He let out a huge roar, and the band director pooped his pants. Then the lion jumped out of the underbrush and landed on the band director, knocking the wind out of him. And, he devoured the band director.
A couple of days later, the lion was as skinny as ever when he met his healthy friend. His friend asked the details of the encounter. So, the scrawny lion told him. The healthy lion said "You idiot! When he fills his pants and has the wind knocked out of him, what's left?"
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Post by burntfoot on Jan 4, 2020 19:55:26 GMT -8
And then, of course, is my favorite band joke - JUNGLE DRUM.
A guy goes on safari and is intrigued with Africa. Especially the drums that he heard off in the distance. But, that drumming went on and on day and night. Finally, the incessant drumming got to him and he went to the guide. "Can't we do something about all that drumming?" he asked him. The guide looked at him and said "No, Bwana, drums are good thing." A few days later later, he went again to the guide. "Why can't those drums stop beating?" The guide said "Drums are very good thing. You don't want drums to stop." There were a couple more attempts made, which were equally rebuked by the guide. One night near the end of the safari, the drums stopped all of a sudden. The guide's eyes became as WIDE AS SAUCERS. He said "Oh, no! Now come saxophone solo."
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ErnieW
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Post by ErnieW on Jan 4, 2020 20:15:55 GMT -8
Q) What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?
A) A croaking device.
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franco
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Post by franco on Jan 5, 2020 14:22:02 GMT -8
What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup ? Anyone can roast beef.
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whistlepunk
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I was an award winning honor student once. I have no idea what happened...
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Post by whistlepunk on Jan 6, 2020 10:55:25 GMT -8
In 2020 we are going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision.
I can see it now.
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desert dweller
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Power to the Peaceful...Hate does not create.
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Post by desert dweller on Jan 6, 2020 12:18:50 GMT -8
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ErnieW
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Post by ErnieW on Jan 6, 2020 13:10:23 GMT -8
They say carrots are good for your health.
But booze can double your vision.
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driftwoody
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Take the path closer to the edge, especially if less traveled
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Post by driftwoody on Jan 6, 2020 16:00:22 GMT -8
"I see" said the blind man to the deaf man.
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rebeccad
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Post by rebeccad on Jan 6, 2020 18:11:56 GMT -8
"I see" said the blind man to the deaf man. No, no! That’s “I see said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.”
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